Faced with a child who, day by day, gains autonomy, asserts himself and builds his personality, it is sometimes difficult to know how to act. Unfortunately, there is no absolute rule in education; everything is often about balance and communication.
The authorityThe child needs to be guided: he does not know what is best for him. Authority is what allows the child to assimilate the fundamental prohibitions related to socialization. Frustration is an essential experience for the development of the child: to live in society, he must learn to give up the immediate satisfaction of all his desires.
It must also be borne in mind that love and authority are compatible : one flows from the other. Indeed, it is because you love your child that you set prohibitions, for his safety, his well-being. Put barriers on the path of the child, it is also help to move forward: a marked path is reassuring, the child will gain confidence, and will be better prepared for its autonomy. Without authority, the child may also feel neglected, abandoned.
How to exercise one's authority?
The essential ingredient of authority is communication : a pure and simple prohibition, without explanation, has no meaning for the child, it is therefore useless, even harmful. It is important to explain clearly, simply, why you are barring your child from this or that thing.
It is also important that parents agree with each other: if the child hears a "yes" on one side, and a "no" on the other, he will never obey and will soon know how to play on your disagreement .
Always in this concern for coherence, the authority implies that you, parents, apply the rules imposed on your child.
Do not forget it: you are a model for him .
However, it is important to leave room for the child - safely of course: this is what Françoise Dolto calls "risk taking".
Neither should the child be frustrated with increasing prohibitions as the days go by: the child must be able to forge his or her own experience. Failure also has educational virtues.
Finally, we must not confuse authority with authoritarianism. You become authoritarian if you inhale a feeling of fear in the child, if your instructions are illogical, if they are unfair, if you forbid the child any expression of his moods or moods.