All Subjects Without Taboos

Age differences: the testimony of Cathy, 53

Cathy, 53, has lived for two years, with Damien, 29 years old. They dare, both, face the glances and the comments, sometimes critical.

Cathy, love with a young man 24 years younger than you, how is it?

Uh ... not easy! Really not easy, in any case for me because he, I do not feel that it is a problem. He loves me, he wants me.
It's my side that's difficult. I never had much confidence in myself, so being looked through by the eyes of a man who could be your son is often heavy. Especially since Damien is a handsome boy. It pleases the girls a lot. There are painful times, for me, when I see girls of 20-25, turn around. And that I'm here, with my 53 years, my menopause and my first good wrinkles ... You really have to have confidence in yourself, to assume that. I'm 53, and like it or not, a 53-year-old woman is less attractive than a 20-year-old girl.

Do you often think about this age difference?

I think about it all the time. So, it's true that Damien is very reassuring. I can see that he loves me sincerely. I hear what he says to me, that he does not care, that he wants to stay close to me all my life ... But I stop him when he tells me that. All my life, I know it can not be, and anyway, I do not want it. You imagine ? A handsome young man like that, who turns into an old guard? No. I think that one day, I will have to stop this relationship. But, for now, it's too difficult. There is too much love too much desire. We are really good together. He is much younger, but intellectually, it is the good agreement. He teaches me a lot. As much as I teach him. And sexually, it's magic. It is true that, from this point of view, age does not count much. It's chemical, no, these things?

And concerning his eventual desire to have children?

We have been in love for two years. Mias indeed, I think that one day, he will want to have children, that I will never be able to give him. He tells me he does not care about having children. But that will not last. When I see him having fun with kids, pampering little kids, it's like a stab at me. And that's what makes me suffer: this future that we will not have together.

And in your surroundings, how is it going?

Pretty good. When I met Damien, I was coming out of a difficult divorce. My friends were scared for me. So when I told them that I had fallen in love, they were very happy. But, I did not tell them the age. I told them he was younger, without specifying how much. Then, I gave an age higher than the real one, and I lowered it gradually. Now they know everything, and they accept it well. My good friends, look at him with concupiscence, look at their old husband, and tell me that I must enjoy it!

On his side, to him, I was rather well accepted too. I think they see me as a fad. But, his friends like me pretty well. Aside from the physical plane, I do not feel too stuck with them. I feel good with young people. But for his parents, it's different. Her mother does not accept, she wants him to be with a young woman who will give him a family. Me, she likes me as a person. But, as a beautiful girl ... no. It does not happen.

Do you know why you fell in love with such a young man?

Would you ask the same question to a man who lives with a very young woman? I am not sure ! I fell in love with him because he is beautiful, funny, alive, dynamic, and young, precisely. Good! Honestly, I asked myself the question, too. In fact, I realized that I have always fallen in love with men of that age. When I first met my husband, we were in our twenties. My second husband was 10 years younger than me. I knew him, I was 30, he was 20. And now it's going on. I am much older, but he still has a good twenty ... And it is true that I do not imagine falling in love with an old man of my age. As if love was youth.

The opinion of the psychiatrist

The opinion of Dr. Youssef Mourtada:

Cathy is right: love is youth. For someone who is afraid of getting older, having a story with a younger person is the best way to forget about your age. This is the paradox, since Cathy is obsessed with this question of time, and she suffers from it. If we can imagine that Damien is amazed by this relationship with a woman of his mother's age, that he is satisfied with the interest shown by other women, Cathy's friends, we can also imagine that this relationship reassure him. He may think that she will not risk leaving him for another. He can prolong, like that, the time he likes, a relationship with a beautiful maternal substitute.

As for her, probably that Damien plays several roles: he is the child that she can mother, the possessive and jealous father and the lover. All in one ! And then, lovers live out of time. They have no age. That's one of the virtues of love. This is reassuring for a woman who is afraid of growing old.

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